so, this time of year i am always more and more excited as it gets closer to christmas. but not this year. i don't know why. i think i might be depressed. it's not fair, you know? this is my time of year, for crying out loud! what really sucks is that i don't know why i feel this way. i think i could handle it better if i had something to blame it on. i mean, i've got ideas, but all that tells me is there are several things that could be wrong with my life... or other peoples' lives for that matter. what makes me feel worse is that i've really got everything i need right now. i have a place to live, a good paying job (although i hate being a cubical monkey), a family that loves me, great friends, and good health. why, why, why? that's all i've got; questions. yeah, there's things i want that i don't have in my life, but is wanting something really a valid reason to be down around christmas time? i mean, i don't have to go back to work until monday, so i should be happy about having a four day weekend, but all i can think is how there's nothing good about life right now! don't take that the wrong way. i'm not suicidal or anything. it's not that kind of depression; i just feel empty. and before anyone says that maybe i should pray about it, i've been going round and round with God on this one for months! all i can get from Him is that i need to hang in there and that maybe i need to give more of myself. and now i feel like a selfish crybaby because i can think of at least two other people right now that actually have something to feel depressed about, so that's just great. seriously, i can't wrap my mind around this, so if anyone has any suggestions on how to get out of this, i'm all ears. i just want to be happy and i'm tired of acting like i'm ok around everyone. this sucks...
Comments (6)
Hang in there buddy. Anytime you need to talk, you know the number. I know we really don't talk about "this kind of stuff" much, but I can relate what you're going through and I know it's not easy. You've got the right idea, though - don't just pray about it but argue with God, let it all out, scream at him, question him, let him know how you feel. Too many people say we just need to accept hard times and have faith, but I think we grow more when we question and get mad at God. Just remember you have friends here to either listen when you need to vent, or to help you get your mind off things.
we need to hang out pronto
i love you
Okay so I know I'm a bit behind on my reading...yes, yes I suck. It's okay to be down even if other people seem to have more to be down about. You know the best way to get into the Christmas spirit? Watching lots of Christmas movies with friends, driving around (while it's not snowy or icey) looking at Christmas lights, drinking hot chocolate on a cold night with a candy cane next to you even if you aren't actually eating it, crank up Christmas music and sing it at the top of your lungs...okay so maybe Sabrina and your neighbors would protest to that...maybe do it in your car and eat LOTS of Christmas cookies. ;0) What really helped me the other day while I was going through a super low low was I made a list of everything that was bringing me down, there seemed to be so much and it weighed so heavily on my heart. Then I made a list of things I was thankful for and suddenly before I knew it I just had to stop the list was getting so long. And wouldn't you know today things have taken a turn and are starting to look up for me and Greg! I think that if we think positive positive things will happen and that's what you need to do. Of course you must keep praying, but you may also wish to try the other things I mentioned. And of course if none of that works I have a puppy here who I'm sure would love to see you and play with you and if playing with a puppy doesn't put a smile on your face...well then we'll call you Scrooge and Panda will bite you. :0) It's been a while and we need to hang out. After the 17th I will be on break from grad school. I'm hoping maybe on the 21st I can have everyone over. We will eat lots of Christmas cookies, watch some Christmas movies and hang out. But don't hold me to it. A lot changes depending on how I feel and whether baby is cooperating with me or not. Call me if you ever need anything! I'm always here for you even if I suck at keeping up to date with Xanga postings!!!
Yeah maybe you could get off your lazy butt! Lol, j/k. By the way your profile pic still breaks my heart...
Yeah, I got an offer and it had to be a fast decision.. moving in with the fergs. in wilder. sorry g.
Thanks for being excited for me, it makes things even better when your friends share in the excitement with you